Healing Comes in Desperation|By Jasmine Beard


“I have touched the hem of Your garment.

I have felt the leading of Your hand.

But today, my eyes look much higher to see the face of the great I am…”

I love that song. As I sing those words, I often imagine myself as the woman with the issue of blood in the Bible.

Just like the woman with the issue of blood, we all have an issue, a dream, or a desperation to see Jesus show up, heal, and change our circumstance.

That issue may be for healing from an illness, conceiving a child after years spent battling infertility, the salvation of a child or spouse, or maybe freedom from repetitive bondage in life.

My issue is not something life altering or something I cannot live without, but a deferred promise. This promise God spoke to me when I was just 17-years old, the promise of marriage. My circumstance is much different from an unexplained issue of blood, but it’s still my circumstance.

It is the one thing in my life that I have often shied away from. Shied away from talking about. Shied away from writing about. And shied away from praying about. My issue, if you’d call it that, has oftentimes been something that embarrassed me rather than brought me into a place of desperation for Jesus to heal me.

Luke 8:43-48 TPT says:

43 In the crowd that day was a woman who had suffered greatly for twelve years from slow bleeding. Even though she had spent all that she had on healers, she was still suffering.

44 Pressing in through the crowd, she came up behind Jesus and touched the tassel of his prayer shawl. Instantly her bleeding stopped and she was healed.

45 Jesus suddenly stopped and said to his disciples, “Someone touched me. Who is it?”

While they all denied it, Peter pointed out, “Master, everyone is touching you, trying to get close to you. The crowds are so thick we can’t walk through all these people without being jostled.”

46 Jesus replied, “Yes, but I felt power surge through me. Someone touched me to be healed, and they received their healing.”

47 When the woman realized she couldn’t hide any longer, she came and fell trembling at Jesus’ feet. Before the entire crowd she declared, “I was desperate to touch you, Jesus, for I knew if I could just touch even the fringe of your robe I would be healed.”

48 Jesus responded, “Beloved daughter, your faith in me has released your healing. You may go with my peace.”

Recently, I turned 26-years-old, just five days after Valentine’s Day. I have never noticed or cared about my birthday’s proximity to this love holiday, until this year.

This was the first year, ever… that I thought, “I wish I had a valentine”.

I quickly shrugged off those feelings, but could sense through the busyness of life that I was a bit disheartened by this. And that I had actually been hiding these feelings for years.

I did not want to tell Jesus how I felt. I knew my singleness wasn’t His fault. I knew that I could trust Him at His word. I knew He was a promise-keeper. Yet, I was still sad, but I didn’t want to admit that to God. I felt it would be ungrateful to do so.

That is when the Holy Spirit whispered into my heart, “tell me how you feel. Whether you think your feelings are just or not, tell me. I want to heal every part of your heart.”

Just like God cared about the woman with the issue of blood and longed to heal her from illness, He also longed to heal my aching heart. He wanted me to stop hiding in the crowd pretending like singleness did not make me sad.

He wanted me to press through the crowd and say, “Jesus, I have a problem, and I know that you are the solution.”

When healing takes longer than expected or when hope has been deferred, it can sometimes feel easier not to pray about a situation anymore. The women with the issue of blood however, did not lose hope. She held unto the promise of God’s healing, and she knew He would touch her situation.

God longed for me to get real about my issue and get desperate for the healing He desired to do in my heart. He wanted me to be desperate enough to touch the hem of His garment just as the woman with the issue of blood did.

Maybe you have been battling something for years. And year after year, you have seen no avail to your circumstance. I want to encourage you to be persistent and unembarrassed by your circumstance. Will you still run after Him when that healing takes longer than expected? Will you still hope when hope is deferred? Will you touch the hem of His garment because you know He has the power and desire to change your situation?

I leave you with these verses. These verses remind me of the faithfulness of God and display the very character of who He is.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Nevertheless, the time will come when I will heal Jerusalem’s wounds and give it prosperity and true peace.” Jeremiah‬ ‭33:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:31‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” Psalms‬ ‭37:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

A Mother’s Redemption| By Amanda Maduell

image2 (2)As I lay and watch my two-year-old sleep, it is hard to believe that not long ago he started out as a tiny “blip” on the monitor. As I laid on the exam table at my OBGYN office, tears of guilt, shame, and fear rolled down my cheeks. This is not the reaction that any woman deserves to have as she experiences the expected arrival of her first child. A woman’s heart should be full of joy, love, and excitement during this time. My story is not the same.

For I know the plans I have for you ,”declares the LORD, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Everyone knows this Bible verse as it has become so incredibly popular, but it is so much more to me. This verse was my bread and butter. I had it saved on my phone screen saver for my entire pregnancy. Every time I was in despair, God reminded me of this message.

When I was encouraged by the father of my child to have an abortion, I turned to God and this verse.

I would think to myself, “God created this life inside of me, and He already knows the plans for it! How could someone want to throw this away?”

“For you formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Psalm 139:13-14

I knew from the beginning that abortion was never an option for me, but I could not convince the father of my child to feel the same way. I thank God everyday for giving me His strength to see through and overcome that. I agreed that I would trust God, and I would wear the shame of my sin in front of me, whether the father of my child was willing to stand by me or not.

I have to admit that it was not easy.

At times, the enemy convinced me to believe that it was me. That I was not good enough or worthy enough for this person, and that this is what I deserved for committing these sins. But again that was just the enemy.

I felt lonely from the outright rejection that was displayed toward my unborn child, and I was immersed in pain. I wanted nothing more than to be loved, appreciated, and respected by the person whom I had created life with. I experienced just the opposite.

I remember coming home from working one of my two jobs and crying so hard in my bathroom that I would vomit. I lived alone, and I was too ashamed to reach out to many of my friends, I felt as though I had, “brought this upon myself.” I was scared of the unknown, I was scared of what people would think of me for having a baby without a father, I was scared of being another, “single mom statistic”, and worst of all, I was scared that I would never be able to trust or love again.

I was disappointed in myself for taking a chance on someone who had consecutively lied about his commitment. I had become so consumed in sins of the flesh. Although I considering myself a “Christian”, I still thought it was okay to have sex with my ex-boyfriend. I justified it by telling myself, “we were in love”, and because we, as adults, have “needs.”

However, I was reminded that God has a purpose for us. Although we may not always understand it, the Bible clearly states that His plan is solid. God knows before we sin against Him, and He still sends His love and grace down upon us in ways we don’t even realize in the moment. For some, like myself, it takes “struggles” like this for us to see God’s unfailing love and mercy for us.

“In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me. From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help, and you listened to my cry.” Jonah 2:2

Before my son was born, I picked the name Jonah after reading the short book of Jonah in the Bible. In Jonah’s story, he disobeyed God, and he was swallowed by a big fish. He prayed to God and asked for forgiveness from inside the fish. After three days, the Lord had the fish spit Jonah out, and he was forgiven.

Jonah knew that he was disobeying God by not following his instructions to go to the city of Nineveh and speak out against its wickedness. Just as I knew that I was disobeying God by continuing a sinful relationship with my son’s father. I felt as though going through an unplanned pregnancy without the father was my storm.

However, the birth of my son was my forgiveness, my redemption, and my second chance. We are children of a loving and forgiving God. I cried out to him at my lowest point, when I experienced the rejection, fear, and disappointment, He forgave me and restored me by allowing me to be the mother of one of His precious children.

After the birth of Jonah, The Lord continued to be the father that my child and I deserve, time and time again. Just when I reach my breaking point he catches me and says, “Trust me.”

Two years later, my son and I are doing great. I am blessed with phenomenal parents who were there for me during my pregnancy and birth of my son and also now. I am part of a women’s group, and I just signed a mortgage on our first home. All of this is possible because we are the children of a perfect and faithful God who has a perfect way for us, even when we can see no way for ourselves. 

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Love Affair| By Jasmine Beard

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I am a child of God. He is my dad, and I am His beloved.

I often see myself sitting on the lap of my Heavenly Father. I appear as a toddler. He tells me secrets, makes me giggle, and dances with me. In this picture, I see that I find satisfaction in the Father alone, and the joy I have is solely because of Him.

I gave my life to Christ 10 years ago. I remember being blown away by the love of the Father. I wondered how and why he would want someone like me. His love didn’t make sense. It was incomprehensible, and I could not compare His love to anyone or anything. I was on a beautiful love journey with my daddy.

But somewhere along the way I got lost.

He became the God I knew and had knowledge of, instead of the God I gleefully giggled with and simply delighted in.

He became routine. He became church. He became my religion.

I read my bible, prayed everyday, never missed a day of church, told everyone I knew about this love I knew – this love I had so much knowledge of.

Still somewhere along the way I missed it. I missed the gaze of my father. I missed why I was even running.

God whispered this into my heart,

“Little one slow down. As you run, don’t forget to look at me and gaze into my eyes and keep that gaze.”

“Don’t run for me, run with me.”

Just like Martha I had forgotten what was important.

Luke 10:39-42(TPT) says,

39 Mary sat down attentively before the Master, absorbing every revelation he shared.

40 But Martha became exasperated by finishing the numerous household chores in preparation for her guests, so she interrupted Jesus and said, “Lord, don’t you think it’s unfair that my sister left me to do all the work by myself? You should tell her to get up and help me.”

41 The Lord answered her, “Martha, my beloved Martha. Why are you upset and troubled, pulled away by all these many distractions? Are they really that important?

42 Mary has discovered the one thing most important by choosing to sit at my feet. She is undistracted, and I won’t take this privilege from her.”

But isn’t God in the works? Didn’t He realize Martha had to get those chores done? I mean, what would her guests think of her? She had to perfect and prepare her home, right?

Wrong.

With that way of thinking, God’s children are sucked into the lie that we have to do for God. We forget the truth that we are to live in a love affair with God all of our life until eternity.

Religion says the romance and fire of a young Christian goes away with age and maturity means less excitement.

Love tells us that our love with God deepens and our fire burns brighter for God over time.

“If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing.” -1 Corinthians 13:1-2 (MSG)

Works are great, but if it is not motivated by the love of God, it is meaningless – just like chasing the wind. as Solomon would say.

Today, let our pursuit of Christianity be motivated by falling in love with God. Instead of focusing on what we can do for Him, may our desire be to sit on His lap and let Him speak sweet whispers in our ear that make us giggle, and allow him to romance us.

“Love the Lord your God, and love one another. Love one another as he loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion and no matter what comes against you. Don’t weaken. Stand against the darkness, and love. That’s the way back into Eden. That’s the way back to life.” -Francine Rivers, Redeeming Love

I Am Not A Single Mom| By Chrystol O’Connor

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I’m not a single mom. I have several roles, and single and mother are just two of them. I hate when there are categories that I am forced to fall under. I am a sister, a teacher, a student, a daughter, a woman, a mother, an American, and most importantly a child a GOD.

Indeed, I am a single mother. I have a five- year-old daughter that brings absolute joy to my life. Just like every other role in my life, this too has its challenges. Being a mother is not easy, especially when you do it alone.

Of course, sometimes we receive help, a great support system or awesome parents who help make the load feel lighter. I, for one, am one of those single moms. I have great supportive parents and lots of sisters, which means several built in sitters.

But, it is still not an easy yoke to carry. I dealt with feeling inadequate as a mother, crazy, afraid, and shameful because when I got pregnant with my daughter I was involved in church.OH MY GOSH, yes, all in church. Shame and regret were things that I carried in my heart for a long time.

The enemy comes at us in so many different areas especially when raising a warrior for the kingdom. God has had to come and remind me so many times of my value regardless of past mistakes. I am reminded of this scripture 1 Peter 2:9:

“But you are chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into wonderful light.”

Even though it doesn’t have everything to do with me being a single mom, it signifies what God has done in my life. It reminds me of the redemption that took place in me when I had my daughter.

I decided to live for Christ shortly after finding out I was pregnant, perfect timing right? I had a daughter to set an example for and God had proven himself so faithful when she was still in my womb. I am forever grateful for the grace and mercy that was showered over me while I was bearing proof of my sin in my stomach.

Maybe you’re reading this, and you’re a single mother. I want to inform you that there is hope. GOD is truly so faithful. I look back at my past struggles and some of the seasons and changes God brought me through, and I realized He was walking with me the entire time. Just like me, you are a daughter of the most high God, and nothing can separate you from His love– no past mistakes, no past pain or hurts, no regret or shame.

Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride| By Jasmine Beard

andre-hunter-263233-unsplashPerfectly primped hair, floor length gowns, blooming flowers, and a beautiful couple at the altar – this scene is all too familiar to me. Over the past five years I have attended countless weddings and even stood in a couple.

Ahhh the life of a bridesmaid! Last year I had the privilege of standing in two of my friends’ weddings. I was over the moon for them and could not wait for their big day.Through my elation and shower planning for my friends, I thought to myself, “when will it be my turn?”

I thought to myself, “Lord, I’ve done it your way, when will I receive what you’ve promised me?”

Have you ever prayed for something and the Holy Spirit whispered a word of encouragement to you and a promise of the very thing you prayed for?

Maybe you’ve said similar things to God. But what if I told you the very thing you’re waiting for is not the prize at all?

That a husband is not a reward for purity, and a baby is not a reward for a godly marriage.

Shocker I know! You see in our carnal nature we think because of our righteousness we deserve certain things. But the Bible tells us that our righteousness is like filthy rags before the Lord.

“But we are all like an unclean thing, And all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; We all fade as a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, Have taken us away.” Isaiah 64:6 NKJV

As we tap our foot in impatience and complain about the things we do not have, God is waiting.

Waiting for you to notice him.

Waiting for you to remember him.

“…I  will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 NKJV

In a season of waiting, remember that God has not left you. He has not forgotten you. He hears you and He cares about the prayers you whisper because you’re too embarrassed to pray out loud.

As a bride sets her eyes on her handsome groom, choose today to set your eyes on God instead of the very thing you are waiting for.

When you set your eyes on the God who lives outside of time and space, the wait doesn’t seem long at all.

Trust Him and wait expectantly for your promise and most importantly keep your gaze on the best Promise Maker and Promise Keeper.